So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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