If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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