I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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