Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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