Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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