Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
