I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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