i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
