i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize