I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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