someone threw a dead crab at me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the day after is always just damage control
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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