I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
