I want to make a zoo with you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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