why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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