my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
