This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can I color on your dick again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
