3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
