I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
