There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
