and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
