listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
