I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
