Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
