Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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