her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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