He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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