Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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