Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
