ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
