she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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