I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
