Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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