I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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