I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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