it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
