She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
