we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
