I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
BRING THE BAGELS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
