here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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