things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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