ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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