Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
