im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
