i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
