I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
