Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
