Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
