dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
