Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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