butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He is an equal opportunity slut.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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