i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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