i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its not stalking. its research.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
