on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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