I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
