Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
