I just saw a hot homeless man
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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