please come you make the beer taste better
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
