"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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