Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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