i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
