dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
