I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
