she takes plan B like it's going out of style
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
