girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
