Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
