Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
