Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
