Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
