I can't watch pbs sober anymore
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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