fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
