Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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