Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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