Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
